A BLESSING NOT A CURSE
As long
as you are not me, you will never understand what it takes to be me and how I wind
up this way. You may call it wounded or heartless, but that is too cheap a word
for someone like me. Many are of the opinion that I am unserious, I do
not consider marriage to be important or my hopes are too high. You may not be
totally wrong, but I got this.
Some of us right from childhood could not even weed an
unwanted grass; therefore, it is not my style to cut off people. I must say
people have a way
of drying up and withering away just like grasses in dry
season and you cannot do anything but allow it to dry up. The good thing about dead
matter is that it adds to the soil fertility. When a relationship ends, you
learn from it and makes you stronger.
About three to four
people asking me about marriage this week. Be it coincidence, curiosity or the
universe way of whispering something to my ears; I am open to all opinion.
Marriage is the practice of our beloved prophet which is
also half of faith, so why wouldn’t I want to get married? I cannot deny that
in the past, marriage scares me just as hell does which in reality is totally
out of my control. I mean, many people do not even know that I tried getting
married once, the date of introduction was fixed but goodbyes could not have
been worst than getting one on sick bed. I almost lost my life at the same time
dealing with pieces of what is left of the relationship, if there was any. It was
a bit strange but I was numb which got my mum scared I might be burying my
emotion instead of dealing with it.
The truth is I was not. I was happy it
ended. I never wanted to marry at that time except for my faith and the truth
is everyone around me could see, he is not the one. I could stand everything
but humiliating my family like that after my dad had started spreading the news
is what still flash like a dream. Amidst the disappointment, betrayal and all, I
evolved and survived the sickness that almost took my life. Thanks to God and a
darling sister who saved my life.
Not once, twice but many a times have I tried
to fulfil half of my religion but all to no avail.
Despite all these disappointment, hurt and betrayal; I have
not lost my heart but only been careful not to get my hopes up again. I have
realised in life that you only get what is meant to happen. All that happen,
people that I have met and left. People I had trust like blood that I thought
would always have my back but connive to humiliate me, those who in their
deepest mind think I cannot succeed out of envy and the ones who secretly wish
to be what I am. I am strong, loving, caring, empathic, intelligent and hardworking.
Wherever I go, I freely dispense love and team spirit.
Although, memories are the worst tool of torture. No matter
how hard you try to let people back into your life, their words would
linger on. But that is not to say you have not forgiven them. I miss them,
their smiles, our laughter, gist and all but trust once broken can never be
regained. They may have helped me one way or the other and I truly appreciate
all of them. I do not hold anyone responsible for what they did and said but I was
able to see what they truly are which is against my own person. I had forgiven
the people who never ask for forgiveness due to pride.
Guess what? Everything happen according to His Will. He designed
it and it manifested. It may look like a curse but turns out to be a blessing
Where I am today being Allah’s grace, His trials; to test if
I am really worthy of His Mercy and favour. This is to you doubting Thomas’s and curious
minds;
I am happy, capable of loving with the whole of my heart, giving
selfless services to humanity. I have moved beyond my pain to see the beauty in
other people’s eye, to feel their heart throb for me. Those who would do
everything to see me laugh in all sincerity. They know me, my shortcomings, my
challenges, my strengths and above all will always support me.
To the one who had journey with me in all sincerity and love
with compassion, care and affection. And despite being miles away, it feels
like a stone throw in my heart. No one had accepted and understand me the way
you have. I was at a point where I almost
accepted no one truly wants me. That they all care about looks and stuff. I was
afraid I may be lonely for life because of who I am which I have to embrace. And
then, out of blue you surfaced and held me tight.
I will get married soon by Allah’s Will, Might and Power to
the best man who truly deserve someone like me. To love him, stand by him, pray
with him, grow with him and our loving children and seeing each other through
life to our final abode (paradise).
All I have gone through in life is a blessing and not a
curse because it leads me straight to Allah azzawajaal and the one.
To those who have lost hope in finding the right person; it
may take a while, there may be complications but the one who is meant for you
will surely come. Just be open and welcoming when he or she arrives. We all
deserve to be with those who deserve to have us. “He who laugh last laugh best”.
SAVE THE DATE # 201…# Arraka….
Cheers!
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