SELF OR SELFISH LOVE: WHAT'S YOUR TAKE?
Why do a lot of people claim to have self love yet unhappy?. I peruse through the concept of self love being advocated for and I found my answer where lies a misconception.
We all want to break free from; bad habits, negative energy, procastination, unrequited love, debt, depression,
past memories, traumas, unhealthy relationship and likes. And without breaking free from all these; it may impend our self love and put us in an unhappy mood.
You see, a lot of people misconstrued the word 'self love'. And to say that developing self love means total happiness with or without an external force, is a farcade.
Thinking about yourself only, is not self love. It is selfish love. To have self love means to be able to be happy, as well as making others happy. You cannot have self love and not be happy, whereas; happiness comes with seeing others happy too. Self love is real contentment. To love yourself enough to also love others.
I was watching a video of a woman who said that "she thought, doing something for yourself when you feel like, amounts to self love and makes her happy. She did that for several years and realised that she was not happy still. At one point, she felt alone and all the self love energy went down the drain. Not until she learn to do things for others too, volunteering at children's school to help read comic books to children and organising house party, did she realise that self love has to do with loving others and not just yourself. It comes with sacrifice. Letting go of a part of you to attract or make others feel better.
Self love is beyond mediocrity. It does not play by the rules of you first, and others follow. It goes hand in hand with loving others at the same time. It is not in all situation you get to love yourself before you can love others.
Creating happiness with self love
Happiness is not a skill to master, it cannot be taught but a feeling that has more to do with contentment.
Happiness does not only lie in making more money, creating bigger goals or reaching the peak of your career. Happiness is not only about how you feel, but how you make others feel. You cannot be happy, until people derive happiness when they are around you. I am not talking about one person.
Many people attach happiness to their job, they hold on so tight, that they forget it can be lost. They forget the things that really matters, like making people feel comfortable around them, showing empathy. It is true you derive pleasure in what you do, which makes you feel good but can you imagine a life without your job, and still survive?
There is no one in this world that does not feel bad about a lose. The difference is how we react to our lose. Some commit suicide, others fall into depression, some act like it's alright even when they are dying inside. Only few people are grateful for their lose.
Think about yourself before others
Think about yourself before others is not really how loving oneself, works.
Not that the statement is wrong, but only a selfish person thinks more about themselves than others. The bitter truth is, you cannot be truly happy, if you don't do something for others. Doing something for others is not what you think they need but what they truly need and if you have no idea, simply ask.
How do you achieve real happiness and contentment?
- Make a conscious effort to not allow people change who you are. I have heard people say, I use to do this and that. Then, what happened? Should an innocent person pay the brunt of your past?
- Treat people as individuals, this man and not those men. If you withhold your emotion just because someone in the past don't deserve it, your emotional intelligence and humanity is low. You need to spike it up, if not, you will continue to wallow in self pity.
- Accept every situation as a new one and deal with people as a new entity.
- Focus on making others happy and in the process you become happy. Many successful happy people in the world make others' happiness their priority.
- Learn to give more than you take.
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